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Dear Beth,
Gosh, what a question and where to begin?
I could give you a textbook answer, but I once listened to a fabulous talk on this by a lay Dhamma teacher by the name of Rob Burbea. It is available on Dhammaseed, as is titled "Living in the Truth". I think this is the link:
https://dharmaseed.org/teacher/210/talk/10831/
Do listen to it and let me know if it answers your question.
With metta,
Ven Upekkha
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