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Live in the Now VS Letting Go

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  • Live in the Now VS Letting Go

    I love my husband and daughter so much that I find it hard to not hold on to every moment possible.

    I understand that you should live every moment as if it is your last but I am struggling with it. I intensely want to spend all my time with my loved ones, I would rather not work or do anything without them. How do we all go on with the basics of life if we are busy trying to cram as much time with our loved ones as possible? I want them to feel free too, not just shackled to our family. They should be free to find their own lives but I feel that I should be dedicating all my life to them. Is it suffocation and attachment? Or should we all be living like we are dying soon?

    Also, in the midst of a panic attack how do we snap our minds out of panic mode? I have anxiety and depression, so I am trying to find a calmer way to live my life.

    Thank you so much for the forum and for the talks. I have been listening for a few years now.

  • #2
    Dear Kendra,

    First of all, I apologize for the slow response. I have just been away from the monastery for a week.

    There is a thread on this forum that deals directly with panic attacks. Please have a look here to see if you can find any useful tips.

    I seems to me that your main problem is your anxiety and depression. If ones internal life is painful, one naturally seeks for pleasure outside and thus ones ones attachments can get quite strong. If you are able to reduce and even overcome your depression, you will find that your attitude to the outside world changes. This doesn't mean that you become any less loving - in fact the opposite would probably be true - but simply that you get greater clarity.

    To overcome depression you need to learn to look at yourself, other people, and the world in a different way. Use meditation to make you feel more at ease and relaxed, and use metta to help you see the good in people, including yourself, and the world around you. Focus on the good things: count your blessings, as they say. Learn to see the negative things in a new way. Depressed people tend to regard things as hopeless, when in fact they are not. Try to see the positive in any situation. It may sometimes be hard work, but with persistence you should be able to change your attitude, and then also your moods.

    I hope this is helpful.

    With metta,
    Ajahn Brahmali

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    • #3
      Thank you Ajahn Bramali. I appreciate your response. I am returning to my meditation practice as I hadn't been doing it for a while. I do find that my mind spins with a million worries when I do meditate but hopefully that will calm down eventually.

      I love the idea of metta. I think that will be very useful.

      Take care,
      Kendra

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      • #4
        Kendra,

        I would like to add something that I really think could help you. When one is depressed, I find that that depression most often is an intense and almost constant scrutiny of oneself, or worry over one's own affairs, etc. In a very literal sense one becomes extremely self-centered. I find a very good antidote to this, and depression in turn, is spontaneous generosity and kindness. Hold a door open for someone. If you're at a convenience store or cafe, buy coffee for the person in line behind you. Feed an expired parking meter for someone and so forth. Expect nothing in return. Do it for the joy of making someone else's day. Above all else, smile. Seriously. Smile at yourself in the mirror, though you likely will not want to whatsoever. Smile at people everywhere (when appropriate of course). These are all things that work to turn the tide of depression and anxiety, along with regular meditative practices. I have done all of these myself. They work. I used to have massive anxiety over wanting to spend as much time with my girlfriend as possible. Now I relish time with her still, but time for myself is awesome as well. There's the balance. It all comes naturally when we behave naturally. As soon as we spin off hard in one direction, that's where we lose the balance. I hope you feel better soon. Best wishes for getting back to your meditation practice. I know it's difficult. Be well.

        Metta,

        Jerrod

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        • #5
          Great advice, Jerrod. I wholeheartedly agree.

          With metta.

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          • #6
            Dear Kendra, Jerrod,

            Jerrod the advice to smile is really great. I am studying psychology, and I've learned that our mood responds to our facial expressions. When you smile with your face, the body and brain responds with feeling happier. I will spare you the technical details but it really works. I've tried it myself.

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            • #7
              WOW. Well spoken Jerrod!

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