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Letting go for real

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  • Letting go for real

    Dear Ven. Sunyo,

    I see over and over, magazine and internet articles cautioning us to stay away from people with certain personality types in order to make our own lives better. There is the saying reported to have been made by the Buddha where he says that it is better to go on alone than to keep company with a fool. My problem specifically lies in that I have a friend who very much fits into the category of a victim personality type. I do find it very taxing and tiring to spend too much time with this person but is it wrong to let go of a friend because of this or am I doing myself a big favor? I've been thinking for years about ending this friendship for this reason but I can't decide what to do. Thank you for your time. Be well.

  • #2
    Hi Jerrod!

    What do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to decide on the fate of your friend? I think your problem isn't your friend, but that you are afraid to make a decision one way or the other. Either way you choose, just make it and go from there. There's good sides to both choices, so don't worry! So, no it's not wrong to drop a friend, nor is it wrong to stay in contact.

    I'm teasing you a bit. But that's because I honestly think you are wise enough to figure out what to do.

    All I can say is that I even left behind very good friends in order to be able to follow my path better. (That is, to ordain.) I have no more contact with any of my former friends. And I don't feel guilty because I know it is for a good purpose. That's just me, though. That was the decision I felt I had to make. I guess what that means is, if you are sure about the decision don't worry about feeling guilty. If the decision is for good reasons then you won't be guilty afterwards.

    With metta,



    • #3
      Dear Venerable,

      Since publicly asking this question of you, I have limited my time with this person severely. I have noticed a sharp uptick and balance in my sense of peace and calm. Of course nothing is perfect, as I'm a bit of a nut still myself with good moments and bad and neutral. And guess what? I haven't felt any guilt, just as you said. As for me being wise enough but asking you....the Buddha had Ananda, right? Ha! Now I'm teasing YOU. As always, thank you for taking time from your relatively sublime life to help with our hectic ones. Be well, good sir.

      With metta and gratitude.


      • #4

        Don't worry about my time. I'm happy to give you the opportunity to teach this Ananda.

        Much metta!



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