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Falling in love

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  • Falling in love


    Is falling in love with someone natural?

    Upon recognising that we are bound to fall in love with someone is there any antidote to prevent one from further commitment to this feeling which eventually will cause suffering?



  • #2
    Hi Preet,

    First I should say sorry for taking a long time to respond. The monastery's internet was down for about a month.

    Of course falling in love is natural. Everybody has had those feelings! As a monk, though, it is not so clever to fall in love. That will make your monastic life very difficult! So we have ways to avoid it. These ways are not as easily implemented in lay life, so I will give you some nuanced versions. See if they help.

    How do you prevent falling in the water? Well, the first thing is of course to avoid getting close to the water. So when you see you are getting attracted to a specific person and you don't want that to happen, then a logical step is to avoid that person. If you don't see them and don't contact them, the attraction will eventually fade.

    But if you happen to fall into the water anyway, you should know how to swim to get back to the shore. That means that if you fall in love, you have to keep your head above water. A part of you should be distanced from the feelings. This is good advice even if you actually want to fall in love. So don't give your full life and time to it. Spend time on other things. I know when I was young and fell in love once, the thing I did was work as much as I could for about two weeks. (I had a contract where I could determine my own hours) I got so tired I almost had no energy left to fall in love! So keeping hobbies and things I guess is a good thing.

    As a monk I have the commitment to practicing the Dhamma - a thing which doesn't go together with falling in love, of course! So that commitment keeps me from those kinds of thoughts and feelings. Perhaps you can do something similar.

    With kindness,




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