Relationship with parent

[Steve Tanu]

Hello Bhante,

I am very close with my mother since I was a kid. I don't normally share and discuss things with other family members as much as I share things with her. Most people need someone to talk with and they talk to someone close to them. If I hold back from speaking out e.g. life problem, job issue, etc., there is a sense of awkwardness in the relationship. If I discuss things or difficulty with her, hoping she can share her thoughts, she can become worry, stress, etc..

My question is, by discussing things with her, am I doing bad kamma? Thank you.

[Bhikkhu Sunyo]

Hi Steve!

Let us take two extremes. If you don't share anything at all, than the relationship would be very dry and it would not be a natural mother-son relationship. If you share every single problem and issue you have, you might overburden your mother. So since I do not know your mother, it's up to you to find a healthy amount of sharing.

How much she'll worry depends on how you bring it, of course. If you say "Oh, mom, my life is ruined, I do not know what to do! You have to help me!" (again, an extreme ) then of course she'll worry. If instead you are a bit more tactful and say that there is a little thing you would like some advice on, then she'll be less likely to worry.

That may seem like obvious advice. Why would a monk tell you that? Well, I think, that as Buddhists we are trying to work towards emotional stability, and being more emotionally stable also helps in sharing problems. When we are a bit more stable, we are less focussed on just what we say, but also on how we say it.

Also, a very important thing is to listen to your mother when she speaks. Be aware of what other people are trying to say. This "mindful listening" idea seems to be really taking off, haha, judging on the internet search: https://www.google.com.au/search?q=m..._sm=0&ie=UTF-8

It even has exersizes and all! I expect you can find something good in there to help you further. Perhaps this helps as well:
http://dharma.ncf.ca/introduction/pr...precept-4.html

With kindness,

Sunyo